"It's very ominous," said Egon Spengler, head of Ghostbusters R&D, "It's as though the dead are rising from the grave en masse, and converging on a single location near the Midtown Post Office." In fact, he noted, the roof has become positively charged, leading pigeons to evacuate the area and perch throughout the west side, in a manner creepily recalling the 1963 film The Birds.

Canary in the Mine? Birds flock north to avoid parakinetically charged post office.

"But the problem goes beyond simple parakinetics," added Ray Stanz, chief engineer, "Aside from a rise in baseline supernatural energy levels, we're seeing a rise in metrics correlated with Victorian mores: Fear, Prejudice, and Avarice levels have gone through the roof. It may be uncorrelated, but hairspray levels have also tripled." Continued Spengler, "Imagine these 36-inch-waist Levis Dockers represent the normal conservatism of the Midtown area. Today, roughly speaking, they would snugly fit the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Garfield float. That's a big Khaki."

Recent sightings include several pink elephants and slimy torsos. Right image thought to be former President William Howard Taft.

Sightings have also gone on the rise in the tourist-rich cross streets between 33rd and 58th, as hotels and bars report an upsurge of pink elephants, bald chinless slimes, and clammy skeletons. "I have seen shit that would turn you white," said Winston Zedmore, Black Ghostbuster, adding that he noted a lack of ethnic and religious diversity in the manifestations.

The Ghostbusters are unable to investigate the epicenter of the phenomenon, due to new security checkpoints which ban the use of backpack nuclear accelerators. However, they are clear on one thing: the numerical data suggests a convergence of peak levels between Monday, April 30th, and Thursday, Sepetember 2nd.

Not the first time: Bloomberg (inset) has come to blows with the Ghostbusters on workplace safety and environmental issues before, but current actions seem politically motivated, say insiders.

"Whoahhh, somebody's coming," quipped Peter Venkman, best known today for his appearances in Japanese Scotch Ads. "Expect to see and hear some real wrath-of-God stuff over the next week or so. And if we don't stop it, expect the clouds to darken with pollution, and the seas to run black with oil. Dogs and Cats may live together, but only in civil unions."

Officials seem loathe to take action, or even allow the Ghostbusters to bust some heads, citing EPA concerns of environmental damage from their 1984 battle with Gozer the Gozerian in Central Park West. According to Walter Peck, long-time Ghostbusters critic, fallout from the 1984 event ruined much of the grass on the famed Great Lawn. Anonymous sources in city hall, however, suggest some level of uneasy collusion between the Mayors' office and the forces behind the PKE surge. "He's like Renfield to Dracula -- he doesn't want to do it, but he's compelled to or something," said the source, adding "He never shoulda run as a Republican."