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Today Scott McClellan said that Kerry "Lost his cool" when accusing the Bush administration of funding those batshit swift boat guys. So now we have a flipflopping extreme makeover guy who loses his cool. Sounds pretty shrill, doesn't it?
Well, I figure the idea of losing cool raises some important questions:- How much cool should a presidential candidate have?
- Would Scott McClellan know cool if it bit him on the ass?
- Should cool be placed in a lockbox to keep it from spend-happy congress? Or would it have to be kept in a refrigerator?
- Are there any circumstances in which Republican womens' hair could be considered cool? I'm thinking maybe in an ironic trucker hat sense.
Well at any rate, an analysis of their comparative cool:
Exhibit 1: Thumbs-up comparison
Both compare equally unfavorably with the reference thumbs-up, Fonzie from Happy Days. Coolness demands that the thumbs-up must be no farther than 5 inches from the chest.
Exhibit 2: Motorcycle Pose
Sorry Kerry, but that's what we call "trying too hard". Motorcycle gangs don't go to Bennegans for an Awesome Blossom. Wear leather. Piss off PETA. Watch your numbers soar.
Bush? Um. Go for it! (we could've showed him falling off, but feel that it really isn't funny.)
CONCLUSIONS:
Side by side comparison of Kerry to Steve McQueen is a harsh reminder that politics is no place for the cool. However, his ability to ride a motorcycle suggests a comfortable lead in vestibular function, possibly a side benefit of flip-flopping. This places Kerry somewhat lower on the cool scale from Clinton, Kennedy, and Eisenhower1, but well above Carter, Nixon, and Coolidge.
Bush, on the other hand, is a retard, and therefore exempt from a coolness rating under the Gump/Corky Sweatpants Amendment of the Americans with Disabilities Act, 1994 USC.
Also, if you want to find pictures of Bush riding the Segway, GISing "Ginger Bush" will lead to an unproductive distraction.
1Eisenhower is deemed cool because he popularized the Eisenhower jacket, which led to the Fonzy jacket.Comments
What about Clinton and the sax, man?
I put that Clinton was cooler. I figured the sax was implied in that, although he stopped using it upon election.
